F.S. ~ A Way with Words

Mistakes in grammar and vocabulary, especially in our speech, are common topics in our households. As an English major and grammar fanatic, I often point out the tiny mistakes we make every day with our words. The gradual acceptance of misused forms of words is frustrating. Verbage has become the commonly used variance of verbiage. Snuck has become an accepted past participle of sneak, when sneaked is proper. Creeped is often used as the past participle of creep instead of the correct form crept, and the list could go on and on. So why have these words sneaked their way in?

We have become, in many ways, lazy or careless in our speech. I recently spent 10 days in England listening to the British accents, and I realized we have lost much of the beauty that we admire in their speech. It does not take much thought to insure that our pronoun use is correct and our past participles are proper. A well-spoken person gives the impression of a well-educated person. Perhaps we should give more thought to preserving the aspects of our language that keep it from deteriorating. A good writer aims for eloquence; a good speaker should do the same.

F.S. ~ Traveling

Greetings from England! As I was considering the topic for this post, I ran across a book in a small store here in the UK. It was titled Etiquette for the Traveler. Of course! There is so much to be mindful of when traveling, especially internationally. Remember the basics and then travel to get some practice!

1. Keep your luggage, including carry-on, close to you. Once your checked baggage is through, you won't have to worry about it, but never leave your carry-on or purse unattended, even for a second.

2. Guard your passport (and any other ID) carefully! The experts say to carry these "on your person," if at all possible.

3. Be aware of your surroundings at all times.

4. When traveling alone (and anytime really), walk with confidence. This shows that you know where you are headed and that you know how to take care of yourself. Any signs of fear or confusion can make you vulnerable.

5. Whether traveling by plane, train, boat, or your own two feet, be aware of those around you and respect their space.

6. Be aware that other countries and cultures have different customs and traditions. Phrases might be used completely differently, common words may mean different things, and certain gestures may have entirely different meanings. As ambassadors for Christ, we have to be especially careful of what we say and do. 

7. Traveling is great fun! Take lots of photos and enjoy a new place. New places and experiences will broaden your scope on life, you will find that God is much bigger than you thought, and that His creation reaches further than you ever imagined! Bon voyage!

F.S. ~ Waterfront Etiquette

This weather is just begging for us to go to the pool, beach, lake -- anywhere waterfront! Like every other aspect of life, there are things that make our time there more enjoyable. Here are just a few...

• Playing music at the beach or pool can be nice, but be sure that you keep it low enough so as not to disturb those around you.
• Especially when coming from the beach, be sure to rinse off any dirt or sand before getting in to the pool. 
• Respect the lifeguards. Don't bother them or distract them from their job. 
• Dress modestly and appropriately for those around you.
• Be sure to clean up your area when you are ready to go in for the day.
• Many people this time of year are training for triathlons or other swimming events. Be courteous of lap swimmers in the pool. They are zoned in to their workout and a disturbance can be very disruptive. 
• Be courteous of those around you -- be careful not to sling water or sand on your neighbors. 
• At the beach, take the colored flags seriously. Use appropriate caution when the purple, orange, or red flags are flying. The coast guards are not trying to ruin your day at the beach...in fact, quite the opposite. They would much rather you have to spend the day in the village or at the pool or sitting on the sand, than being swept away by the current or eaten alive by a jellyfish! 
• It's easy to get caught up in our own agendas when we are at the beach, pool, or lake. Just remember to consider others and their preferences. This is especially true at the lake when half of those in the boat want to tube and the other half would prefer to ski. Defer to the boat driver to make the ultimate decision, and remember that most likely you will have fun doing either. 
• At the pool, beach, or lake (just like everywhere else), you are a witness for Christ!

Happy Swimming!

F.S. ~ The Sandwich

'Tis the season for hamburgers, cold turkey sandwiches, and roast beef hoagies. Add to it some potato salad and coleslaw and you have a decidedly Southern summer meal. For gentlemen, the hamburger piled high with toppings and condiments does not usually pose a problem. For those of us striving to be ladylike in all situations, the big burgers and sandwiches can prove to be a challenge.

When you have flattened your hamburger or sandwich down as far as it will go without relinquishing all of its contents, and it still will not fit in your mouth, what are you to do?

First of all, begin by cutting any large burger or sandwich in half, and see if that helps. It may become necessary to remove a few pickles or tomatoes and that can be done using one's fork. Food that is taken off or falls off the sandwich should be handled with one's fork and knife. As you pick up the sandwich, you should lean only slightly forward and bring the sandwich up to your mouth. Do not lean down over the table to meet your sandwich. You will note that having your napkin in your lap is, as always, mandatory at this point. For club sandwiches, you can remove the toothpick.

The great question when eating a sandwich is: "Is it okay to put my elbows on the table?" That answer is, as you can probably guess: no. Elbows on the table is just simply not good manners. As you bring the sandwich up to your mouth, keep your arms off the table. This will help maintain an overall good posture at the table.

These tips should not diminish the pleasure that a properly grilled hamburger or a masterfully constructed sandwich can bring. Instead, they should increase it as you maintain your etiquette and poise.

F.S. ~ Embroidery

Finishing schools of yesteryear not only encouraged young women to be proficient in social graces, etiquette, and manners, but also in the art of homemaking. To be truly finished, a young woman would be accomplished in handwork such as knitting and embroidery.

Embroidery can be done on the hem of an apron, on the face of a pillowcase, on a cloth sachet, or simply on a piece of linen to be framed. There are patterns for embroidery, but unlike specially knitted things or counted cross stitch, one does not have to have a pattern to embroider. Use these stitches to create your own beautiful embellishment.

F.S. ~ Dining Out

  Imagine the days when dining out was rare, expensive, and only for the extremely special occasion. Today, we often dine out instead of at home, we call in carry-out, and we have events catered in lieu of home preparation. So, here are a few tips for those times when you're dining out with an individual or group.

• Always be on time or early. When it comes to eating, schedules and hungry people appreciate promptness.
• If you are early, wait for your party to be seated, unless you clarify that you will be seated before they arrive. "I will go ahead and get a table if I am early," or "I will wait for you in the lobby." Of course, if there is a wait time, sign in as soon as you get there to facilitate your time.  
• At nicer restaurants where the table setting is more complex, follow the chart below. Also see the earlier F.S. Post. 

• Do not begin eating until the entire table has been served.
• If you are with a large party of people and you know that the check is going to be split up, most restaurants will accommodate you and give each person or couple their own ticket and collect accordingly. Most waiters or waitresses will ask as they take orders, but it is always most polite to let them know at the beginning of the meal how the checks will be paid. When dining at finer restaurants, it is proper for one person to receive the check and then have everyone pay that one person. 
• Leave a generous tip. The tip is a reflection of what kind of person you are. The proper amount to tip a waiter or waitress is 15% to 20%. The rule used to be to calculate it from the before-tax total, but it has recently been pointed out that wait staff pays taxes off of their tips, so now the tip should be calculated from the after-tax total.
• The question most often wondered about when eating out is, "When do I let someone else pay for my meal?" When friends meet up for lunch or dinner or tea, it is usually understood that everyone will pay for themselves. If you are out to eat with people older than you or more important than you, they may very likely offer to pay for your meal. It is all right to object, but eventually, when they refuse to surrender, thank them. 
• What if it is a guy and you are not sure you are comfortable with letting him pay for your meal? There are two ways to look at this: 1. Girls feel as if they are sending the signal "I like you" when they let the guy pay, and sometimes they are. 2. Guys sometimes like to pay for the girl, because it is their nature to provide and protect and letting her pay for her own seems to them against the grain. Basically it comes down to judging the situation. The same applies here as when anyone else is buying your meal; it is all right to object but do not cause a scene. 
• Most importantly, use your manners! Listen more than you talk and treat the wait staff and hostess with kindness. See the earlier post: Table Manners. 

Questions regarding this topic? Leave them as a comment!

F.S. ~ A Maid of Honor

Back to our wedding series...A Maid of Honor. She is a very important part of the wedding! First of all, it is an incredible honor to be asked to stand as Maid or Matron of Honor. The Maid of Honor leads the bridal party. Many of the responsibilities are the same as a bridesmaid (see post A Bridesmaid), except that this is more of a leadership role.

• Be there for technical and moral support. The bride may rely on you to be her right hand during the wedding process, but she may also need you for stress relief! Be encouraging, make her laugh, be supportive, and help her enjoy it. 
• Help with pre-wedding logistics with the bridesmaids. There are lots of decisions to be made, orders to be placed, and errands to be run when it comes to outfitting the bridesmaids for wedding day. Let the bride know that you will be in charge of anything she needs to hand over to you. Just keep in mind that it is her wedding, and be sure to get her approval when necessary. 
• Stay informed as to where the bride is registered, where events are being held, what the arrangements are for out-of-town guests, etc., so that you can take some of the pressure of questions from guests off of the bride.
• Attend all of the showers and parties given for the bride.
• Make sure that you or some other designated person keeps a record of all gifts received at pre-wedding events. 
• Host a bridal shower. The bridesmaids may also want to participate in this, and it is a great opportunity for all of you to get together and throw the bride a party. However, you as Maid of Honor lead the way!
• Coordinate bridesmaids during wedding weekend. Make sure that out-of-town bridesmaids have somewhere to stay and that they receive all the details of events. 
• On the day of the wedding, be sure that the bridesmaids all get where they need to be, have their hair and makeup taken care of, and receive all the necessary items they need for the ceremony. It may be helpful to type up a sheet of information for them (dates, times, and places of events; when to arrive on wedding day, what to bring, and helpful little tips and reminders).
• On wedding day, be sure the bride has all she needs. You should be assisted in this by the other bridesmaids who are also looking out for the bride. Usually, you are most helpful in seeing that the bride is not overloaded with little details that you can handle.
• Make sure the bride has the marriage license.
• As the ceremony begins, help arrange her train if needed. 
• Hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony when the vows begin.
• Make sure the bride's train is properly arranged as she leaves the ceremony. 
• At the reception, help direct guests where to go for the food line, where to sign the guestbook, where to place gifts, etc.
• Be sure that the bride gets something to eat before she leaves the ceremony. 
• Be willing to assist the bride whenever she needs you! 

While it seems like a lot of things to remember, it is a joy to come alongside a bride and help make her special day as special as possible!

F.S. ~ QnA: Posture

Q. What is the proper posture one should have when sitting, standing, walking, etc.?

A. An excellent topic! Posture is a very important part of appearance. A slouchy posture affects your appearance in a negative way, and pretty posture enhances beauty exponentially!

When sitting, your posture should be such that you are sitting directly on top of your "sitting bones." Your shoulders should be back but relaxed, and your ears should be directly over your shoulders. Avoid any arch in your back; your legs and back should be at a ninety degree angle.

Slide down into your seat gracefully. Depending on the length of your skirt, you can cross your legs at the ankles or cross your legs at the knees. Shorter skirts make it absolutely forbidden for you to cross your legs at the knees, and it is generally considered more proper to cross your legs at the ankles, no matter your skirt length. You can also leave your feet flat on the floor and together, either side by side or one sightly in front of the other. Your hands should be in your lap and possibly to one side rather than in the middle.

When standing, your posture should still be tall and upright. Pin your shoulders back and move your head back so that your ears are over your shoulders. Hold your stomach in, and tuck your hips under as you walk. Take smaller steps and keep your feet under you and close together. This will help avoid a boyish gait and make you appear polished and poised.

As you practice good posture, be confident, wear a smile on your face, and remember that beauty comes from the Lord! Your inner beauty will shine forth as you endeavor to hold high the character and appearance that God has blessed you with!

The Q & A is still open! Leave your question(s) as a comment to this post or e-mail it to: seasonsinclair@gmail.com

F.S. ~ Wedding Attire

F.S. ~ A Wedding Guest

Everyone most likely will have the privilege of being a guest at a wedding. As with all other events, there are etiquette tips to guide us to make the occasion more pleasant for us and all those we're around.

1. Remember to R.S.V.P. as soon as possible by the method outlined in the invitation. See my earlier post, R.S.V.P.
2. Find out from the invitation what the dress code is. The time of the wedding should indicate to you how formal it will be.
3. Girls should not wear white to the wedding or even ivory or off-white. The bride is supposed to stand out in white. It is also best not to look like one of the bridesmaids. If you know what color and style they are wearing, steer away from that.
4. Arrive for the ceremony at least twenty minutes early. Thirty minutes is best. If you arrive after the doors have been closed, seat yourself quietly in the back (left side = bride's side, right side = groom's side). If the ceremony has already begun, wait until the bride has reached the altar and then seat yourself quietly in the back.
5. Do not just go to the reception and not the ceremony. If it is only possible for you to make it to the reception, that is okay, but you have been invited because the couple wants to share their wedding with you.
6. If you are able to, stay until after the cake has been cut. You do not want it to look like you came for the free food and then left.
7. Follow the couple's lead when the dancing begins.
8. If you are not a fan of the bouquet or garter toss, just stand quietly in the back and smile.
9. When you leave, find a member of the family and thank them.

F.S. ~ A Bridesmaid

Many of us have been asked or will be asked to stand with one of our friends on her wedding day. It is an exciting thing to be invited to be a bridesmaid. We anticipate the silk or linen dress we will wear, the satin-wrapped flower bouquet we will carry, and the pure delight at dressing up and walking down the aisle. But when it comes right down to carrying out the responsibilities of being a good bridesmaid, what does bridesmaid really mean?

A bridesmaid by definition is a young woman who attends the bride. She is most often a close friend or sister of the bride or groom.

If you are given the honor of being a bridesmaid, here are some important things to consider as you endeavor to do your job well.

1. After you accept the bride's request and thank her for the honor that it is to be asked, remember to make yourself available to help with whatever she might need. The bride has a great number of things to choose and coordinate, and you being willing to help, or even being in charge of something, will be a great help to her.

2. Be supportive of the bride. Every bride is under a certain amount of stress, and your encouraging words and gestures will be a boost to her.

3. The bridesmaids often give or help give a shower for the bride. The Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor usually initiates it, but be willing to participate and help.

4. An important thing to remember is that being a bridesmaid costs money. You have to buy your dress and shoes, and often contribute monetarily to a shower or tea. Once you have accepted the request to be a bridesmaid, never complain about the cost. Consider this before accepting, but once you are in, be happy!

5. What if the dress is immodest? Oh dear, we all know someone who has had this trouble, or we have had it ourselves! If the dress is strapless or revealing and you are not comfortable wearing it, let the bride know discreetly how you feel, and ask if you could wear a bolero or shawl. Do not make a scene or cause difficulty for the bride. If she refuses to alter the dress, you may respectfully decline being a bridesmaid or you may be able to work with the dress itself to make it more acceptable. Just be sure to consult the bride before you make any cosmetic changes to the dress.

6. Keep in mind that this is her wedding, not yours, and respect her decisions and tastes. It is often beneficial to simply remain silent. Instead of having too many comments, be good at listening.

7. Be willing to work! The bride needs you -- she really does. Your efforts and willingness to do the grunt work will help make her wedding day even more special.

8. On the wedding day, be ready to set aside your personal needs for those of the bride. Offer to get her something to drink or eat as she gets ready, and constantly be aware of things she might need. Continue in the same manner at the reception. Do not be nagging, but be available and willing.

We can see that there is a lot of willingness involved in being a bridesmaid, but it is truly a blessing and a lot of fun! Just remember the golden rule: "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you" and enjoy the blessed occasion that a wedding is!

F.S. ~ May I take a message?

   

In the not so distant past, the only forms of long-distance communication were telegrams, telephone, and letter writing. Now most of our communication is done by telephone and cell phone. We pick up a landline or cell phone more times a day that we probably realize. So etiquette now extends to the manner in which you represent yourself over the phone.

1. Don't forget to give your name. When calling another person, be sure to say what your name is. However, when answering a phone call not related to business, it is not necessary to give your name.

2. Be careful of the tone of your voice. The person on the other end of the phone does not have the benefit of seeing your facial expressions or body language to know your exact mood. Therefore, it is important to communicate properly through your tone.

3. Focus on your call. It is easy to let things around us distract us from the phone call. Usually the person you are talking to can detect if you are engaged in something else, and it can make them feel like they are unimportant.

4. Speak clearly and not too fast. Speaking too quickly can cause your listener confusion in person but especially on the phone when they cannot read your lips. Never eat or chew while you are on the phone.

5. Cell phones. Remember when you are at someone's home that it is very rude to text or call other people constantly. It gives the impression that you would rather be elsewhere and that the present company is not adequate to please you. If it is necessary for you to send a message or make a call for business or communication, then it is okay to do so. But remember to be sensitive to your hosts.

6. Taking a message. If someone calls and asks to speak to someone else in your household, respond with courtesy: "Yes, hold on just one second." If they are not available: "She/he is not available right now. May I take a message?" or "She/he is busy right now. May I have her call you back?"

7. Respect. As the basis for etiquette, remember to use respect in all phone situations and communications.

     These are just a few tips to help us all as we attempt to maintain etiquette in a world of electronic communication.

F.S. ~ Giving Gifts

   

     This time of year, giving gifts is a topic on everyone's mind. We give each other gifts out of gratefulness for the gift we were given long ago when Jesus Christ was born.

Buying gifts for so many different people -- mom, dad, brothers, sister, friends, co-workers -- can be daunting to say the least.

     Here is The Emily Post Institute's "Top Five for Stress-Free Gift Giving" that may help you as you work your way down your Christmas list!

1. Get their wish list.

   Ask people for hints or even a wish list.  Gather ideas during the year, and write everything down.



2. Trust your judgment.

   Forget about being afraid the gift isn’t “perfect.” If you think the person will like it, chances are they will.



3. Stick to your budget.

   Spending more than you should takes the fun out of gift giving. There’s nothing more stressful than overspending -- and feeling uneasy about it.



4. Buy it when you see it.

   If you’re shopping in July and see a sweater that your mother would love, buy it. It probably won’t be there when you look in December.



5. Start a gift closet.

   Stash a few gifts that will work in a pinch: copies of your favorite cookbook or boxes of beautiful note cards. That way you’ll be ready if you need a gift on the spot.

F.S. ~ 'Tis the Season for Tea

Hot tea, that is!

    In the South, iced sweet tea is a necessary part of life, but as the days grow colder, we begin to put the kettle on for hot tea a bit more often. 

    The small and quaint neighborhood I grew up in was just outside town. Our next door neighbor was an authentic English-born gentlewoman straight from the pages of an Austen novel. Friendly and enchanting, she kept a cookie jar for her frequent guests who dropped in for tea. Occasionally we would go to her house and find her seated alone at her kitchen table overlooking her tiny garden "taking her tea." My mother took tea with her a few times, and I was always delighted by the ritual. A dainty teacup filled with steaming tea somehow adds a poetic touch to any setting.

    A few things to keep in mind as you fill the kettle in preparation for tea time:

• There are differing opinions of how a teacup should be held. Pinkies up or not? Most commonly it is said that "pinkies up" is bad manners and one should follow the example of Elizabeth Bennet.

 

• When tea is served at the table, the teacup can be a part of the table setting and will appear to the right of the knife and spoon and just below the other cups. Often tea is served with dessert and the cups are then brought to the table when dessert appears. 

• The hostess is responsible for pouring the tea if it is served in a pot on the table. When the hostess or waiter does not pour the pot, the person closest to it should offer to pour and should fill his or her cup last. 
• It is not polite to dunk unless in a coffee shop setting. 
• When stirring your tea, try not to let the spoon hit the sides and cause noise.
• Just as with soup, never slurp your tea and never blow it to cool it off.
• When your tea bag has finished steeping, you should remove it and let it drip before placing it on the saucer or other plate. Do not squeeze the bag with your fingers or spoon. Emily Post suggests placing your tea bag in the pot, if possible, to avoid the messiness.

This only scratches the surface of the long tradition and etiquette of hot tea. Hot tea has a vast history and has been associated with everyone from nobles and aristocrats to humble peasants. No matter the place, the time, or the social setting, sipping tea from a beautifully embellished teacup is a pleasure worth experiencing.

F.S. ~ Soup's On

The weather has turned cold, winter is coming, and soup is on the menu! Everyone enjoys a steaming bowl of soup to warm body and soul on cold days. There are so many different soup recipes from chili to chowder, but there are etiquette guidelines that govern them all.

In the previous Finishing School post, Abby gave us a lovely video of Emily Post and her guidelines for table manners. The proper way to eat soup was part of it, and here are the basics.

• Soup bowls are served on plates for a reason! The plate catches those accidental spills and overflows and provides a place for you to rest your spoon when it has been used. 

• When eating soup, sit up straight, but lean forward over your soup bowl so that drips fall back into the bowl and not on you.

• Although it is very hard to resist, never blow on your soup to cool it. You may stir it or simply wait. 

• Spoon the soup by tilting and moving the spoon away from you. Sip from the side of the spoon closest to you, or if it is chunky soup, you may put the whole bite in your mouth. If you need to, you can tilt the bowl away from you to spoon the last little bit. Never slurp your soup!

• When you are finished with your soup, the spoon should be placed on the plate or the saucer parallel to the edge of the table with the handle facing towards the right. It is impolite to leave your spoon in the cup or bowl at any time.

Observe these few helpful hints and you will be sure to receive nods of etiquette approval!

Emily Post: "Table Manners" (1947)

Enjoy a little etiquette from the master!

F.S. ~ Tips on Punctuality

 Autumn is here and brings with it the pleasant cool weather and beautiful scenes we all enjoy. Even the dog seems exhilarated as if to exclaim: "It's cool outside! Come play!"

"The leaves began to change. Hot tea became more precious, 

books more sought after, fires warmer, and walks more pleasant."
-That We Might Have Hope  

Although the autumn garden is muted with new blooms and fading flowers, this season is regarded by some as a time of beginnings. School supplies, wooly wardrobes, and a flurry of activities and gatherings dot the calendar of cooler months.

  This brings us to our Finishing School topic...Punctuality. With all of these events to attend, punctuality should be in the forefront of our minds. Respect and honor are best shown by being on time, whether it is a hayride, school meeting, business presentation, or worship gathering.

So here are just a few basic guidelines to encourage a timely arrival:

 ~At an open house, it is appropriate to arrive during the designated times. If the invitation says from 2 until 4, then you can drop by anytime within those two hours and it would be acceptable, if you are sure to leave by 4.

~It is not polite to arrive early to a dinner party unless you are asked to help with preparations. Arriving early can send the host or hostess into a panic! Your hostess will appreciate your timely arrival as serving dinner depends on it!

~If it is a wedding you are attending, it is appropriate and preferred to be early. Wedding guests should arrive at least 20 minutes early so that you are then able to be escorted to your seat. 

~If circumstances beyond your control make you late, it is polite to call ahead if you are meeting with friends or business associates to let them know you will be late. Be honest; don't blame it on traffic if you just slept in late.

Tardiness is sometimes unavoidable, but as we gather together this season remember... 

"Punctuality is the politeness of kings."  Louis XVIII

F.S.~ A Glance Back at Summer

  

  As we welcome in the autumn season and all the wonderful sights, sounds, and scents that it brings, we take a look back at the Finishing School topics we have covered through the summer.

In July, it was handwritten notes.

    Picture a woman seated at a desk, her skirt flowing around her, the inkwell open before her, and a quill pen in her hand as she begins to write a letter. The pen against the paper makes a scratching sound with each stroke, indicating the thought that passes from author to paper and soon to recipient. Perhaps her face is in her hand and she gazes into space searching for the appropriate words to express her feelings. 
    That sounds lovely, but how often do we find ourselves in such a position? It is true that quill pens and flowing skirts are not as common as they once were, but the handwritten note is equally as elegant and lovely today as it was when Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy quarreled about true reputations. 

In August it was RSVP...Répondezs’il vou plait.

• If a response card is included, return it within a few days of receiving the invitation. 
• If there is a phone number or e-mail address for RSVP, respond likewise within a few days of receiving the invitation. Remember that leaving a message is never a guarantee that your response will be received. 
• If there is simply RSVP, return a handwritten note within a few days.
• When there is not RSVP, it is still courteous to respond.

Next in August it was The Hostess with the Mostess and Emily Post's "Six Ways to Be a Good Host."

1) Invite clearly.
2) Plan well.
3) Remain calm.
4) Keep your guests feeling welcome.
5) Be flexible and gracious.
6) Be appreciative.

Finally, the last post of the summer was handshakes.

• A man shakes another man's hand firmly.
• A woman shakes a man's hand by offering hers palm down, and the man takes only her fingers and squeezes gently before releasing.
• It is a woman's place to extend her hand to a man.
• Eye contact is important.

____________________________

Autumn brings a new set of Finishing School posts!

P.S. Like the new banner? :)

F.S.~ Handshakes

 
In America, shaking hands is a typical greeting, especially between men. However, it is also appropriate between a man and a woman. It is important to know that men and women shake hands differently. In today's society, men and women meet in business environments that differ from past experiences, thus creating confusion regarding introductions.

 It was 1871 and the noon stage had just arrived with a cloud of dust in the quaint and busy town. The stairs were put down and a woman stepped out. Her gown was blue and trimmed with lace. A hat with a feather shaded her dark brown hair that was caught up in a twist. The townspeople looking on found themselves unable to stop staring. A gentleman came forward and offered to take her bag.

 "You must be from the ranch," she asked sweetly. "Mitchell?" 

"Yes, ma'am, I'm to take you to meet the family." 

She extended her small hand, and he gently shook it, "Pleased to meet you, ma'am." 

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Mitchell."

   In contrast, men and women of today meet in conference rooms, dressed in suits, negotiating new ideas. Therefore, the line that once divided manners between men and manners from men to women, has faded.                 

A man shakes another man's hand firmly.

    It's a bit different for a woman. When you are introduced to a man, it is your place to extend your hand. This is especially true in the Southeast, and it is considered rude for the man to extend his first. It is the lady's choice whether or not she wants to shake hands. While men grip tightly, palm to palm, a woman should extend her hand palm downward, and the man should take only her fingers in his hand and squeeze gently before releasing.

     Eye contact is very important in order to insure your undivided attention. Eye contact also communicates trust and confidence.

    While many people will say that these guidelines are archaic, they are traditions that were set by people who took manners seriously and they are worth consideration. While women have entered into realms that typically belonged to men, femininity is something to treasure. Shaking hands in the proper manner is a way to preserve that treasure. Society can only be enriched by practicing the specific manners and social graces of the past.

F.S. - The Hostess with the Mostess

    

 Anyone who has ever been a hostess knows that hosting can bring an extra dose of stress! However, it can also bring a special measure of joy. Here are just a few tips from emilypost.com to help make your hostess experience an enjoyable one for both you and your guests.

 Six Ways to Be a Good Host

1) Invite clearly. Include necessary information for your guests in the invitation. Is the party a casual get-together or more formal? What about the attire? Maybe a guest would benefit by knowing ahead of time who else will be there, which you might mention when they RSVP.

2) Plan well. Preparing your guest list carefully is key to a successful party. Then do as much as you can ahead of time. (Lower the stress level by serving food and refreshments you know will work.) Get everything ready well before your guests arrive, so you'll feel relaxed from the very beginning.

3) Remain calm. Giving a party can be enjoyable, especially if you approach it with simplicity. Get help if necessary, and don't let your guests think you're huffing and puffing. They'll feel far more
comfortable if they don't have to wonder whether they're causing you any trouble.

4) Keep your guests feeling welcome. Make sure guests are warmly greeted, then made to feel welcome throughout the party. Look after each guest as much as you can. If you notice that a guest has an empty glass or if there's one person standing alone, remedy the situation as quickly and cheerfully as possible.

5) Be flexible and gracious. Your souffle falls. Or one friend arrives with an unexpected guest. The ruined dessert? Have a fallback. The uninvited guest? As discourteous as it is for someone to spring a surprise on you, be gracious. No polite host would ever send an uninvited guest packing.

6) Be appreciative. Thank people for coming as you bid them good-bye. And don't forget to thank anyone who brought you a gift.